Mitigating Wordiness

Have you ever had the experience of reading a sentence that at first makes little sense, but then—Aha—you get it!  Then, you might wonder to yourself, “Well, that was confusing for no good reason.” While some confusion could be due to jargon in your discipline that you aren’t yet familiar with, it’s also often because the writer used unnecessary words to make their point.  Consider this: 

"There had been major adjustments in the conference presentation related to the data accumulated by the exhaustive study of the results of new management approaches to stagnant water areas in the city."  (32 words)

Huh? This idea reads more clearly when written like this: 

"The researcher revised her conference presentation after carefully analyzing outcome data from the city’s new approach to managing stagnant water areas." (21 words)

What’s going on?

The revision gives us an actor, uses clear verbs, and cuts wordy phrases, among other things. The point here is that wordiness not only obscures meaning but also strains readers' mental resources, making it harder to grasp important concepts and follow arguments. For instance, the first version of the statement above has seven prepositions (in, to, by, of, of, to, in), whereas the second version has only three (after, from, to). This matters because each preposition adds another mental step for the reader, demanding that they remember what came before, understand how the new piece relates to the previous bit, and keep track of the whole growing structure. 

Why should you care?

It's easy for students and emerging academics to fall into wordiness traps, based on the belief that complex language makes their writing sound more sophisticated. In fact, this achieves the opposite effect, suggesting that they haven’t revised sufficiently to tighten up the wording and thus craft a strong and clear argument.

Worse—it might also seem like you’re padding the content with empty material. Never a good look! And if you’re a student, your exhausted marker must wade through extra words to find your meaning, which is not in your favour.

What should you do?

During revision, challenge every word to justify its presence. Ask yourself: Could I express this idea more directly? Does this word or phrase really add meaning? Would removing it actually strengthen my argument? 

Strategies to help you eliminate wordiness:

1. Look for common bloat patterns in your writing.

These are clichéd or unnecessary phrases. Here are a few examples: 

• It goes without saying” [instead, try: “we know”] 
•  “At this point in time” [instead, try: “now”]
• “Due to the fact that” [instead, try: “because”]  
• “I am of the opinion that “ [instead, try: “I believe”]
• “A majority of”  [instead, try: “most”]

2. Find ways of writing the same idea with less words. 

Choose active voice over passive voice and possessives over excessive prepositions. Also, aim to avoid nominalizations (turning words into nouns) when possible (e.g. “came to a realization” vs “realize.”)

3. Check for redundant words or phrases.

Some examples are “basic fundamentals,” absolutely essential,” “final outcome,” “new innovation,” and “free gift.” In each of these examples the first word is unnecessary as its meaning is embedded in the primary noun.

4. Check for repetitive wording or information.

Consider how to rephrase your statement so you don’t restate key ideas or words. When reading through your arguments, ask yourself: is this idea, actor, or information clearly or implicitly stated elsewhere in the paper?

5. Consider what your readers may already know.

Assessing this means you may not need to reiterate certain information or details. Reader knowledge could be based on what you’ve already talked about, general knowledge, or readers’ familiarity with the subject matter (based on the target audience for your writing).

6. Read your work aloud. 

Wordy passages often sound awkward when spoken. Reading aloud can help you identify sections in need of revision. 

Final thoughts

Remember: Clear and concise writing reflects clear thinking. It is the foundation for communicating complex ideas with elegant simplicity—the best way to genuinely inform, and thus impress, your readers.